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TOW
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Dreaming; Night of
October 4, 1985 |
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10:36 |
I don't remember what came before this, but A and I were in a French class. I was supposed to have studied it before, but I did not remember it. Stuff happened. Finally, I'd had enough. I told the teacher that I didn't know any French and walked out (she was on the phone). I was eating some bluish ice cream in a sugar cone, but it didn't taste very good so I dumped it out and only ate the cone. When I walked out of the building, it was like I became lucid without becoming aware. There was no point where I said, "Hey, I'm dreaming, so I can...," or if there was, I don't remember it, and I didn't remember it in the dream, either. I walked out the door, turned right, and then went back around the corner. As I jumped off of the little sidewalk-porch onto the ground (a drop of maybe 4 inches), I paid particular attention to my sensations, especially the breeze which I could feel. I remembered that in some recent dream, I had experimented with this(?). By waving my arms, I was able to create a little breeze as well—very realistic, and I thought so at the time. After I had turned the corner, I saw a lake some thirty yards away. I walked toward it, thinking to test my perceptions of the dream state further (although not in those terms). The lake was darkish, naturally, perhaps with algae. As I approached it, I knew what I would do. If I were truly dreaming, I reasoned, I should be able to just walk out across the surface of the water just as if it were land. I geared myself up as I approached, and by the time I reached the water, I had no doubt that I could walk across it. I stepped out on the water and began walking quickly. I sank. I mean, I really sank. It was as though I was being sucked down toward the out of sight lake bottom, faster and faster. All around me I could see green, swirling, moving green. Because of the green, I could only see about a foot in any direction, and there was nothing there, anyway, except the green. At first, I wasn't worried, knowing that it was a dream and that I would probably experience a shift very shortly and that, even if I didn't, it was still only a dream and I could wake myself up. But, as I continued to be pulled downward, past the time of my expectations, I experienced a truly strange feeling. It was as if some force had control over me, over both parts of me—my dreaming mind and my lucid mind. I didn't feel as though I could awaken myself, and I began to feel that the air in my lungs was running out (as it is wont to do underwater). This was a powerful and pervasive feeling, as if I were in a new stage of dreaming which I'd never experienced or heard of. Then, I started to wake up. It took considerably longer than usual, as if I were "coming back" from somewhere. When I first opened my eyes (or at least, I thought I had opened my eyes) I still saw green, though a different green. Finally, I was able to rouse myself. I found that I was in the strange position of having my arm(s) over my head. (A-) |
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